修正:
Previous research has identified advanced age as an independent risk factor for DVT. This study aims to develop a risk prediction model for
理由:
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PNO-DVT (首次出现时):原文中“PNO-DVT”为缩写,但未在前文定义,且该缩写非常规(临床文献中无广泛认可的“PNO-DVT”术语;疑似应为“postoperative DVT”或特指“perioperative new-onset DVT”,但需作者确认)。此处加标出,提示作者必须明确定义该缩写(如首次出现时应写作“perioperative new-onset deep vein thrombosis (PNO-DVT)”),否则属概念不清、术语滥用。当前直接使用未定义缩写,违反学术写作规范。 -
PNO-DVT (第二次出现):同上,缩写重复使用而未定义,且上下文未说明其内涵(如是否排除术前已存在DVT?时间窗如何界定?),属关键术语模糊,必须修正或明确定义。 -
“aged 85 and older” → “aged ≥85 years”:更符合医学文献表达惯例(“≥85 years”比“85 and older”更精确、正式);“aged 85 and older”语法虽可接受,但“aged”后接数字+and older易引发歧义(如是否包含85岁整?),且“aged”作表语时通常搭配“years old”(如“85 years old”),单独用“aged 85”不规范。故“≥85 years”为标准表述。
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“general, intraoperative, and postoperative information” → “demographic, perioperative (i.e., preoperative, intraoperative, and early postoperative), and clinical characteristics”:
- “General information” 表意模糊、不专业(医学研究中不用“general info”描述变量),应替换为具体、标准分类:“demographic”(人口学特征)、“clinical”(临床特征);
- “Intraoperative and postoperative” 不完整——DVT风险因素常涵盖术前(如卧床时间、凝血功能基线)、术中(手术时长、输血量)、术后早期(制动、镇痛方式等),仅提“intraoperative and postoperative”遗漏关键阶段;“perioperative”是标准术语,括号内进一步明确其构成,提升严谨性;
- “Information”改为“characteristics”更准确(研究分析的是患者/手术/治疗的可量化特征,而非宽泛“信息”)。 -
“10 independent predictive factors… were identified in this study. As an independent risk factor for DVT。”:
- 原句为两个断裂句(fragment):“10… were identified…” 是完整句,但紧随其后的“As an independent risk factor for DVT.” 既无主语也无谓语,属严重病句(悬垂结构+不完整句),完全不可接受;
- 此外,前句称“10 factors for PNO-DVT were identified”,后句却突兀转为泛泛而谈“as an independent risk factor for DVT”,逻辑断裂:是这10个中的某一个?还是“advanced age”?抑或整个模型?上下文缺失,指代不明;
- 已删除该错误句,并将核心发现整合为一句完整陈述:“Ten independent predictive factors for PNO-DVT were identified in this cohort…”,主谓宾完整,时态一致(过去时),且明确限定于本研究队列(“this cohort of hospitalized patients”),避免“inpatients”这一冗余词(因“hospitalized patients”已含此意,且“inpatient”作名词时无需连字符,但更推荐“hospitalized patients”以强调医疗照护状态)。 -
其他优化:
- “including their…” 改为破折号连接,增强可读性;
- “after intertrochanteric fracture surgery” → “following intertrochanteric fracture surgery”:更正式;
- 删除冗余的“in inpatients”(原句“in inpatients after…”有重复介词);
- 统一术语:“intertrochanteric fractures”与“intertrochanteric fracture surgery”保持单复数逻辑一致(前者指疾病,后者指手术操作,均正确)。
综上,修正聚焦于:术语定义缺失(